A Three Emergency Day

Parenting is a learning experience. For me, it has been a high learning curve.  Mostly, what I've learned is that everything I thought I knew about parenting turned out to be wrong or at least not as simple as I thought.  Today, I've learned something about myself.  I've learned that even someone like me who is super cautious in nature (and probably worries TOO much about my children and their safety) can endanger their own children's lives... (ahem) 3 times in one day.  

So, to keep reading I ask that you refrain from judging me as I'm already doing a pretty good job judging myself, but here goes.....In one day, I had to call poison control when I found my toddler with an open bottle of pills on the floor, I started a large kitchen fire in the oven, and finally, I barely stopped my toddler from pulling a fan (which was on) on top of herself.  Yikes!  Ok, so part of the issue here is that my precious little girl has entered the magical toddler stage of being quite mobile and exploratory and I am clearly not ready for it. No, she's not walking, and she's not even crawling much, but she has learned how to scoot around our house quite rapidly, seemingly overnight. (Side note to our physical therapist from the East Bay: Sorry Suzanne!!  We are working on the crawling still!)

PILLS: The worst part about this blunder is that I knew she was playing with the pill bottles, but assumed she was unable to open them as her low muscle tone tends to make these things difficult.  In my defense, it is hard to find ways to occupy her while I'm getting ready, and those pill bottles in my bottom drawer sure are fun to shake! (Ok, lame defense)   It wasn't until I was picking up the phone to meet our new case manager for the first time that I walk in the bathroom and notice the open bottle with pills on the ground and Alyssa looking up at me with a questioning look.  Just then, the case manager asks me, "Is this a good time to talk?"  You might think the answer is an obvious "@#* NO! Can I call you back?" But when you've been waiting WEEKS for this phone call to get services started for your child and have left several messages with said case manager, I knew that if I asked her to call back, it would be another week at the least.  So, I swallowed my desire to panic, picked up Alyssa while walking out of the bathroom and said, "Sure, now is great."

After my phone call, I went back to the pill bottle and immediately called Poison Control.  I was pretty sure she hadn't swallowed any, but then again, what did I know?  Wasn't feeling too solid on my judgment, so thought I better call to be safe.  I learned from that phone call that--praise be to God--Melatonin is completely safe for children and as the kind lady reassured me, "She could have had 10 of those pills and she'd be fine."  Phew!!  First sigh of relief for the day....Little did I know more sighs of relief would be required today....

FIRE: Eli loves steak, so I decided to cook it for dinner tonight.  I'm not very experienced at it, so I looked up online the best way to cook sirloin in the oven.  The method I chose involved using the broiler and moving it from the bottom to the top of the oven partway through.  I guess the foil that I put under the steak didn't catch all the drippings, or the crumbs that were left in the oven when I pulled out the steak were large enough and hot enough to catch on fire.  Not really sure what happened.  All I know is I looked back at the oven after turning it off and thought, "That's funny. I didn't know the oven light was on."  Then, the light got really bright and started moving.  I open the oven to flames engulfing the whole oven, and all I can manage to do is yell, "Fire!!  Fire!!"  Ok, so thank GOD my husband is better in crisis than I am, and he had the presence of mind to get out the fire extinguisher from under the sink and put it out.  

FAN: After airing out the house of smoke, turning on a few fans, eating our dinner outside (the steak was delicious), and trying to calm my nerves, I was ready to plop on a couch and do nothing.  But first, I needed to run upstairs and turn off the air conditioning since every window in our house was open (see FIRE above). Coming back downstairs, I hear the fan sliding across the floor.  Turning the corner, I see Alyssa dragging the fan toward her by the cord.  By God's grace, He saved me a third time today and allowed me to grab the fan just as it was about to topple on top of her.  Commence rattling of nerves one more time.....

And that completes the emergencies of the day....I'm thinking I better go to bed soon to keep any  more from occurring!  One final word.  I always tell my boys this, so I suppose I should tell myself today...we always learn more from our mistakes than from our successes.  Guess today my learning increased by leaps and bounds!! 

10 Things I Love About Davis

When we first started telling people we were moving to Davis, it seemed like everyone else knew more about it than I did.  The most common phrase I heard was, "You are going to LOVE Davis." As a Bay Area kid, I admit I was reluctant to leave, knowing how much the Bay Area has to offer.  Now that we have been here for over a month, I wanted to tell all those people....you were right!  I do LOVE Davis! (I will still always love the Bay Area, just to be clear)  Here are the top 10 things I have discovered and love about Davis and why I think it is California's best kept secret!


1. FRESH Produce: Within our first week of living here, people had dropped off fresh figs, plum-cots, peaches, strawberries, and watermelon for us.  One of these friendly people remarked, "Welcome to Davis!  People will drop off produce!"  All I can say is, bring it on!  I have never had much of a green thumb myself, but I'm happy to be the recipient of SO MANY around her who really know what they are doing.  Three days ago, we received 20 large tomatoes, a batch of bell peppers, and the sweetest cantelope I've ever tasted.  All of it was freshly picked that morning and free of pesticides.  I will admit I was initially daunted by the task of finding ways to use it all before it goes bad, but this is a lovely problem to have and I'm slowly learning to adapt my cooking to whatever shows up on our doorstep.  Note the picture of Alyssa below enjoying freshly made marinara sauce.

2. Neighborliness: This point has already been made in the above paragraph.  I'm sure my experience is somewhat skewed given we have been embraced by an amazing church that wants to make sure we feel at home, but even outside of church folk (who have offered all kinds of support in helping us get settled), we have encountered friendly strangers, ready to interrupt their day to stop and welcome us.  One such example happened this past Sunday when one of our neighbors rang our doorbell to introduce herself.  She and her family had been out of town since we moved in, and the moment they drove up to their house after returning from vacation, she paused to come and say hello.  I could think of 20 other things I would feel the urgent need to attend to after being away for a month.  But for this Davis resident, greeting her brand new neighbor was her top priority.

3. Downtown: Wow.  That's all I can say.  Even though this is a relatively small town, they have managed to pull of an amazingly inviting downtown.  Restaurants galore.  And the outdoor seating is abundant!  If you are musical in nature (like my hubby) you can stop at one of several pianos located outdoors throughout the downtown area for a unique piano playing experience.

 

4. Friendly City Employees: Yesterday, on trash day, I decided to load my van with all the cardboard that was cluttering our garage and take it to the local recycling center.  Then, one of the many waste management employees pulls up in his truck, asking if I would like him to take that for me, saving me a trip?  Now, I don't know about you, but every other city I've lived in would only collect the waste that fit into the bins provided.  So, my "deer in a headlight" reaction to his offer caused him to ask, "Are you new to Davis?"  As he helped me unload my van and throw the cardboard into his truck, he explained that he comes by every Thursday, so "feel free to leave whatever cardboard you have on the curb, and I'll pick it up!"  Obviously, this points to Davis' value on recycling (which could be a separate bullet point altogether), but it also was one example of many where I have noticed effort by a local city or school employee to lend a friendly hand.

5. Valuing those with special needs:  One of the strengths of this town that has caused several families to relocate here is the school districts Inclusion policy when it comes to kids with special needs.  Now, many districts have an Inclusion policy written into their handbook, but this district means it.  So far, due to Alyssa's age, I'm going off of the reports from other parents on this one, but knowing that I will not be fighting for Alyssa to gain inclusion in the classroom has brought my stress level down a few notches.  And I love that as we go around town, it is normal to see people with all levels and types of abilities.  There is a unique kind of acceptance that I am glad Alyssa will benefit from.  This morning, she and I visited a Baby Signs class, and learned that UC Davis was the home of the key researchers who discovered the benefits of teaching ANY child sign language regardless of their hearing ability.  It can actually make your child talk earlier and helps with parent-child communication in those early months when the child has something to say, but doesn't yet have the verbal skills to say it.  This research has changed Alyssa's young life, as we watch her confidence grow every time she communicates with us in sign.  She currently knows between 10-15 signs and we can't wait to teach her more.

6. Great eats: Who doesn't love good food?  My only complaint here is that Davis may not help my pocketbook or weight loss given how many great restaurants there are to try.  Within walking distance of my house (and I've decided I should only go if I WALK there), there is an Austrian Bakery that serves amazing breakfasts.  And then there's downtown....I can't count the number of different ethnic backgrounds represented by the options.  There is something for every palate, and my palate likes a lot of foods....Oh boy, I'm in trouble.

7. Bike Paths: Ok, I was tempted to make this my number one because it is one of things EVERY person mentioned to me when I said I was moving to Davis and now I see why.  I've decided that if every city or town had the number of bike paths Davis has, we would put a serious dent into solving global warming.  It is hard to find a place you can't get to using a bike path.  So, consequently, LOTS of people bike LOTS of places.  It is commonplace to see families and people of all ages biking all over town.  I just acquired a used bike for myself (free from another generous church member), completing our family's ability to join the ranks.  The paths are safe, paved (mostly), and beautiful.  They lead you over freeways and under major streets, giving very little room for excuse not to use them.

8. Bike Paths: Another benefit of bike paths: It is the norm for children to bike to school.  We are so fortunate to live close to a bike path on a greenbelt, which means both my children can safely bike  to school and never encounter a car.  Eli's school is a 3 minute bike ride away and Nathan's is about 7 minutes.  The best part is how excited they are to get out the door for school because they get to ride their bikes and they feel so safe doing it.

9. Bike Paths!: Yes, I am beating a dead horse....are you getting the picture that we love the bike paths? The final benefit I'll mention about this is how much it is motivating John and I to exercise.  Neither one of us have a very good track record in this area, but we have found the bike paths are good not just for biking, but for running too.  Let me be clear:  I hate running.  But, when you have a green-belted bike path so close to your front door, there are fewer barriers to getting out there.  Crossing my fingers that our recent motivation will continue past the "honeymoon phase" of living here.

10. S l o w i n g   D o w n: I'll end with this one because it is a most welcome surprise.  After having lived in the Bay Area for the vast majority of my life, I became accustomed to the way freeways added to the rushed feeling of daily life.  I noticed soon after moving here that people linger longer in conversation.  Not that people aren't busy, but there isn't quite the rushed feeling of needing to get moving to the next event of the day.  I think this is in part because a lot of people live their whole lives in Davis. So if they need to get anywhere, they know it will only take them a maximum of 10-15 minutes to get there. So, there's more time to linger.



Thank you for reading my thoughts!  If you are a new friend and local to Davis, thank you for sharing your town with us.  And if you are from further away, I invite you to come and linger with us awhile!

Discovering Alyssa Joy

Alyssa Joy Fanous is here! And she has been here for 4 months already.  Hard to believe how quickly the time has passed.  Here are a couple pictures of her as a newborn.

Her birth story is quite a wild ride, which I will write about hopefully soon.  But for now I wanted to record a recent "aha" moment I had.

Last week I attended my second meeting at the Down Syndrome Connection.  These meetings are meant to be a place to find support and resources for family members of people with Down Syndrome, and they have been incredibly helpful and supportive of us.  I think for me, being in that room is a chance to slow down and reflect.  To force myself to think about my questions, concerns, and experiences so far.  And as I sat there, listening to others share, I realized how much Alyssa has become MORE than Down Syndrome to me.  You see, when I was pregnant with Alyssa, all I knew about her was that she was a girl and had Down Syndrome.  So, sadly, I thought of her as my "Down Syndrome baby."  Now that she is here, I am (like many new parents) in AWE of her and enjoying learning about all her idiosyncrasies.  In other words, Alyssa is Alyssa.  And she happens to have Down Syndrome.  But there is SO much more to her....... and my heart grieves that as she goes through life, some will never get past seeing her as a "Down Syndrome kid" or a "Down Syndrome teen" and finally as a "Down Syndrome adult."  They will miss out on discovering Alyssa in deeper, more significant ways.  So, I want to take a moment and record a few things I've learned about her so far.  So, here goes:

She sneezes EVERY time she goes out into the sun.
She loves her bath, and is way more tolerant of water on her face than I was.
A sure-fire way to calm her and get her attention is to sing to her.  This has been true since birth.
Her favorite places to sleep are: her crib, her carseat (thank GOD for this as we are in there a lot), and sometimes the Ergo carrier.
She loves to be swaddled and is still deciding whether she is a pacifier kid or not.  Mostly she falls asleep better without it, but it can be helpful in settling her sometimes.
Her jungle play mat is definite favorite.  She loves the lights, music and hanging toys.  This gets her excited!
Just recently, she began this groaning sound, which seems to be her way of saying, "I need something.  Pay attention!"
She has successfully melted the hearts of all 4 of her family members, who cannot seem to get enough of kissing her, holding her, and talking to her.

A new chapter ahead

This coming February, we will experience once again the joy of watching a new life come into this world.
While John and I had told our kids more than once that we were "done" having kids, we have come to find out that God had another plan in mind: a plan that we had long ago laid to rest despite our desire to have three children. For years, we tried, and for years, we miscarried. We finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't "meant to be" and that my body had been through enough. God was telling us to be content with the two wonderful children He had already given us, and we embraced that.

So, when I found myself "unexpectantly expecting"--back in June--we were a bit shocked. But to be honest, getting pregnant has rarely been my struggle. Its always been keeping the pregnancy that was our obstacle. So, even then, we told no one and decided to WAIT. After all, we had been here before...many times. And so we were even more shocked that when my first trimester ended, I was still pregnant!

Our journey started to get a bit familiar when we discovered signs of Down syndrome on the first ultrasound. Many who knew us 12 years ago know that my first pregnancy was our daughter Jasmine, who was diagnosed with Down syndrome in utero, but due to other complications, her journey ended in stillbirth. This experience was life-changing for us in so many ways. And today, I stand in awe that we have come full circle. Yes, once again, we are pregnant with a little girl. And once again, it looks likely (99% likely after a blood test) that she also has Down syndrome.
Many have asked me how I'm doing with this news. I will be honest. There have been moments of grief and pain, especially in the first two days after hearing the news. Any parent of a special needs child will understand this. It is important to grieve the loss of the child you thought you would have in order to embrace the child God is giving. However, after walking with this news for a month now, I find that I am not devastated by it. We are not the same people we were twelve years ago. As I mentioned, our pregnancy with Jasmine changed us. One of the ways it changed us was by opening our eyes to the world of special needs. We discovered a world of parents who deeply love their children and have been changed positively by their relationship with their special needs child. Many of our initial misconceptions were laid to rest, even before meeting our little girl.

Not only that, but since our experience with Jasmine, God has continued to teach us about this world through family and friends who have had children of their own with Down syndrome. My nephew Liam was born the same year as Eli. Liam, my cousin Laurie's child, has Down syndrome and he and Eli have spent the past 8 years growing up together. Down syndrome is no longer scary or unknown like it once was, largely because of Liam. This little boy has been and will continue to be an incredible blessing to our family. There are others...God has reconnected us with old friends and shown us other families we know who have children with Down Syndrome and we consistently hear from them how grateful they are for their son or daughter being in their family. And so, now as we prepare for our little girl, we also feel grateful and look forward to the ways she will bless and change our family. We know there will be challenges, but we also are eager for and anticipate many blessings.

Looking for Redemption

Our house was robbed this past weekend. Quite the violating experience....especially since we heard about it while we were in the mountains (at Fall Conference where John was the main speaker) and knew our door had been kicked in and couldn't be locked again. After journeying home the next day, we discovered that my laptop had been stolen. The laptop itself was not precious to me, but the photos and videos stored on it were. My heart sank several times as I thought about certain videos or pictures I would never see again that captured moments of my children's earliest years of life.

I have two choices: I can stay stuck in my anger and grief and allow this to rob the joy out of me. OR, I can look for redemption. I'm choosing the latter. My heart remains sad and probably will for some time when I think about those memories lost. But, I also can allow God to use this for good. In fact, He already has. For example, I have not written on this blog for YEARS. Something about this loss is prompting me to start it up again. My main purpose of this blog is to not forget the moments in my life--and especially in parenting--that stand out in the moment. Wonderful moments of triumph and joy and difficult moments that cause me to grow and change. So here I go. And in this first entry, I want to list the ways God is redeeming this painful experience already:

1. Gratitude: I find my heart is grateful for the pictures and videos that are NOT lost. It turns out I have stored some of those precious memories in THIS blog and in other online sites. I'm grateful for what I DO have and can look back on for years to come (especially because now they are all backed up on icloud!) And even more importantly, I find myself focusing on being grateful for the MANY blessings in my life, namely, my family, God, friendships, and the memories in my heart that can never be stolen.

2. Family bonding: This experience forced our family to navigate some negative feelings (anger, sadness, grief) TOGETHER. Something I have learned about myself is that I am quick to jump over negative feelings. I tend to stuff them, deny them, or jump to blame when life doesn't go my way. And because of my own struggles with this, I have not modeled how to feel things for my children. This burglary gave our family the opportunity to talk together about what we were feeling. I was able to show my honest feelings, express my sadness, but then also model how not to stay stuck in those feelings. The four of us are closer as a result and we are learning how to support each other in crisis.

3. Blogging again! As I mentioned above, I have a renewed passion to record our family's memories in writing....AND, maybe I'll finally get all those pictures organized now into some albums! (Ok, we'll see if I can follow through on this....baby steps...)

4. God's timing: The fact that John learned about the burglary right before his second talk gave him the opportunity to use it in his talk. It fit perfectly into the theme of suffering... I pray that students were helped by his example of responding to this trial in his life.

In closing, I want to record a few memories from videos that were lost, so at least they will live on in words:
The first was a video of me holding Eli at age 1 when he said his name for the first time. He shyly smiled and said, "Ee-i" before nuzzling his head into my chest.
Another was of John holding Eli (around the same age) and tickling him. Each time John stopped, Eli would finish giggling, then say, "Mas meese!" ("mas"="more" in spanish & "meese"= "please" in Eli talk)
Such sweetness.
And finally, there are a couple videos of my boys playing together that I will miss...In one, they are putting a puzzle together. Nathan (age 4) is figuring out where the pieces go and then handing them to Eli (age 2), who gets the thrill of pushing it in place. Their little conversations and Nathan's encouragement of his brother ("Good job, Eli!")warmed my heart.
The other is when they were both home sick and decided to play "doctor" (same ages). They put on daddy's white button down shirts (to look like doctor coats)and made the living room into a hospital. They brought out all their stuffed animals to be patients and used their doctor kit to take care of them. So cute.....

Looking forward to checking in here more regularly again....

First Grade Woes-at least for Mommy

We are halfway through Nathan's First Grade year, and I continue to love the school he attends. Mainly, I love that he is able to participate in a dual immersion program and is already reading and writing in both Spanish and English. I also appreciate that there are only 20 kids in his class, which seems like a miracle given the state of California public schools. Honestly, I haven't had much to complain about. And then, yesterday, my mommy heart broke a little during the drive home from school. For the first time (that I am aware of), another kid rejected my kid. And the weird part was that I found out about it almost by accident. Apparantly it happened awhile ago, but Nathan just forgot to tell me! As we were chatting about why he is so bored at recess, I asked him why he doesn't play with one of his friends, like David. His response: "Well, David told me he doesn't want to be my friend anymore." He said it so casually, like it was no big deal. Of course, his calm demeanor didn't tame the mama bear in me one bit, and I went on the offensive: "What? Why would he say that?" "Well, he said that he heard me say I didn't want to be his friend." "Did you say that?" "No!" I continue to pry the conversation out of him, "Well, what DID you say?" "I said, 'I didn't say that.'" "And what did HE say?" "Nothing. He just walked away."
My brain tried hard to make sense of it, but to no avail. And it was clear I had gotten everything I could out of Nathan in terms of an explanation. I was left pondering the reality that my son's lunch buddy is no longer eating lunch with him or playing with him. And for no good reason! Visions of my sweet 6 year old standing alone near the playground with no friend to play with haunted me for the remainder of the day. Maybe I'm being a bit over dramatic, but since Nathan is my first born, I think I'm still living with those mommy blinders that cause you to say, "How could ANYone not like my baby??"
So, this is what my mom meant when she would always say, "Moms HATE to see their children in pain."
Now, the good news about all this is that it appears that I am more in tune with the pain of his being rejected than he is. After a good "man to man" talk with Daddy last night, Nathan said, "I'm going to ask David tomorrow if he still feels that way." Wow. That's courage that I don't have as a full grown adult.
Fast forward ahead to 12:30 today......My phone rings and its the school calling. "Yes, Mrs. Fanous, I have Nathan here in the nurse's office. He was racing two other kids at recess and he fell and scraped his head." After establishing that he was okay and no permanent damage was done, I decide to go ahead and pick him up from school. On the way home, he explains to me that he was racing 2 other kids....Hector and--yep, you guessed it--David! My heart soared thinking, "Way to go Nathan! You talked to David and now he's your friend again!" But then he explains, "Well, I asked him if he still didn't want to be my friend and he said yes." (Heart sinks back down again.) "So, how come you were playing together?" "Well, we both like Hector so we all played together." And who took you to the office when you got hurt? "Hector and David."
So, when all is said and done, I take comfort in two things:
1. My kid is no wimp. He faced his rejector and even had enough courage to play with him after getting rejected a second time. And
2. I guess David can't have rejected him too badly if he helped take my son to the office after he got injured.
So, my mama bear instinct is calming down a bit, and given how affected I was by this, I come away grateful that I have boys. Maybe I will learn from them how to not take everything so seriously and personally.

Toothbrushing Part 2

So, the good news is that toothbrushing while telling a fairy tale WORKS!! It has made an overnight change. Not only has it completely eliminated any battles over brushing Eli's teeth, I think we both actually look forward to it because we get to pick up where we left in the lives of Belle, Gaston and the Beast. I've reveled in awe at how much easier my life is at these times of day, and have pat myself on the back a few times this past week. But now.....a new challenge has risen. Nathan caught on to what we were doing, and now he insists on brushing his teeth at the same time so he can hear the story too!! Which is fine.....except for those times when I need Nathan to brush his teeth without us. Case in point: this morning, Eli and I weren't ready to brush teeth (read: still eating breakfast), but Nathan needed to get going if he was going to make it to school on time. He was devastated to learn that not only did he need to brush his teeth without a story, but that Eli would hear the story later when he was gone. (His request for me to NOT tell Eli the story to keep things fair was flatly denied.) Yes, I am cruel and unfair, but how does one explain to a 5 year old that this fairy tale routine is not just for fun, but a tool of survival for his mommy? UGH. Now my beautiful idea has caused sibling rivalry. Ok, I exaggerate a little, but I think this is one example of how in the life of a parent the challenges never cease.....